this is what writers block looks like

Well, the XLRI server is down, so I might as well do something with this page. As usual, there’s nothing in my head worth writing about, so I’m gonna write about something that ISN’T worth writing about, and I’m keeping my fingers crossed that you’re going to keep reading this. You still here? Good. I was hoping you would be. What I’m going to do is make up several hypothetical conversations between a pair of praying mantis’s… mantis(s)… mantisses… Praying ManTIDS (Thank you, Google!). A blog which I read recently spoke about how sex sells, and that anyone who wrote about sex would just be selling out. Well, I beg to differ, in MY case anyway. I AM going to write about sex, but not because I’m catering to all you charlatans reading this (Sorry! I was kidding!... hang on, do you even Know the meaning of the word ‘charlatan’?). The fact is, sex is on people’s minds 95% of the time, if statistics are to believed. I believe them. They certainly apply to me. Well come on! In India, most 20 year olds are virgins (well, I am), and are probably itching to do SOMEthing, so sex is the only thing they’re thinking about. Unless they’re watching cricket. But even Cricket has people like Mandira Bedi and Roshni something-or-the-other, as well as Ravi Shastri, saying “Some balls swing more than others, while some are well balanced”. OK, that last bit wouldn’t… Shouldn’t make you think about anything, but it was funny.

Anyway, I’m digressing. The reason I was going on there for a bit was because of the fact that praying mantids are best known for their mating habits. In fact, this is probably why someone once said “the female of the species is more deadly than the male” (was that Kipling? I have no idea). I’ve looked it up, it was Kipling, and it’s from a poem he wrote. Look it up here, if you like. And he doesn’t mention the praying mantis even once. Pity. After the mantids have… well… Sex (I mean, you can’t really Visualize a pair of insects having it off, can you? Maybe later…) the female EATS the male. You probably knew that. Shocking, I know. But it does make for some very interesting hypothetical solutions. In the following sketches, the male mantis is called Drazny, and the female mantis is called Ylovrd. Why? God knows. Maybe they’re from Poland. Or maybe they know Paul Gascoigne. Why on earth do all these celebrities change their names anyway? It doesn’t happen much here... unless you’re counting the extra ‘a’ in some places (in Kareena Kapoor’s case, ‘i’). But I can count, off the top of my head at least FIVE western celebrities who’ve changed their name. Bob Dylan (from Robert Zimmerman, with Elston Gunn and Robert Allyn in between) was one. Prince, who seems to be oblivious to the fact that you can’t pronounce a weird symbol. Paul Hewson, whom we now know as Bono (his nickname was Bono Vox , or Good Voice, in Latin). And I can’t think of any more, so sod it. (what was that? Three?). Paul Gascoigne, for those of you who might not know, was… is a footballer. His nickname used to be Gazza, but now he’s decided to call himself ‘G8’. Nutter. And don’t even get me started with David Beckham (Romeo? Brooklyn? Shylock?!). Ok, I did promise a mantis sketch, but not today.