the art of bunking... sort of

OK... this was an article I wrote a looong time ago for our college mag. Unfortunately, the magazine hasn't been published. In fact, I don't think the people responsible for it will EVER bring it out. So I've decided to put it up on my blog. Its lousy, its terrible, the punctuation is crap, and the jokes are so stale you'll go looking for a loaf of bread that's been in the fridge for a year (God knows why, sometimes I confuse myself). Anyway, tell me what you think...


Now, the first thing you’ve got to understand is that bunking is divided into 2 Distinct categories:
Stay-at-Home Bunking (Highly Recommended)
Come-to-College-and-Goof-off Bunking (depends, really)
Get-OD-and-go-out-on-the-Town Bunking (recommended, sort of)
OK, so I can’t count very well. Sue me. Or my math teacher. Hang on, there’s also Come-to-college-go-home-by-MTC bunking. Hmmm… Somebody buy me a calculator.

Right, let’s start with No.1. Stay-at-home Bunking. Most people wouldn’t normally have trouble with this. Just tell your mum or dad that you want to take the day off, and Bob’s your mother’s brother. And if you live alone, even better! The others, however, may have a little trouble. These are the students who need to be (A) Creative (As Calvin once said, Mothers are the necessity of invention) or (B) Good Actors and (C)Convincing Liars [C is mandatory]. The first thing one has to do is come up with a good excuse. A lot of the time, the old ‘College isn’t working today, we’re compensating for it next Saturday’ line works. Chances are, by next Saturday, your parents have forgotten all about it. Risk Involved: Your mum/dad sees an SVCE college bus at 5.15pm, and wonders how on earth he/she bought that ridiculous story. Another feasible method is to feign illness and stay in bed. Or in the bathroom, if that works for you. (Just pull the flush every ten minutes – Nobody’ll bother you!) It’s usually safe to come out of the bathroom by 9am. Risks: (i) You are taken to the doctor for a check-up, against your will (ii) Your mum decides to give you a pill to make your (non-existent) problem go away [This can be a problem if you’ve faked diarrhoea – an Andial can keep you plugged up for a day and a half] (I have friends in dark places(???)). There is a sub-category to Category 1 : Stay-at-someone-else’s-home Bunking. For this, you need a sympathetic friend (who shares your love for the day off) with, more importantly, sympathetic parents. Right. That ought to wrap things up. For more excuses, contact me at 1-800-GOOF-OFF.

Category 2 is probably the most popular type of bunking practiced in college. Personally, I don’t see the point in traveling 40-odd kilometers and then not attending classes, but there you go. Granted, it can be a lot of fun when a bunch of people spontaneously decide to bunk, but mostly, its just not worth it. Anyway, here are a few methods to get out/stay out of class:
(a) [No Attendance] Show up 15 minutes late. 7 times out of 10 (remember, this is a scientific study – did I mention that?), you’ll be thrown out of class by an irate prof. Feel free to wander, to take in some fresh air etc. The library is usually a safe place to go. Risks: (i)Running into senior staff members, who might ask uncomfortable questions (ii) Your prof (in class) asks you to get a letter from your HOD if you ever want to attend his/her class again (remember Internal Assessment, guys!)
(b) [Attendance, maybe] You need to take a pill at 1.20pm, and need to go to the water cooler. Only cold water will do. Risk: You might be sent to the doctor (this seems to happen a lot)
(c) [Attendance Guaranteed] This works only if your professor writes a lot on the blackboard, taking attendance at the beginning of class. Also, the exit should be at the rear of the class. The trick is to give attendance, wait for the teacher to turn to the board, get up, and walk out… calmly. It helps if your seat is near the door. Risks: None whatsoever. A friend of mine does this v. v. often, so that he can get to the canteen early. His intentions are noble. And he’s never been caught. (Akhil, take a bow)


Category 3 is usually quite easy to pull off. Steps to be taken (in no particular order):
1. Invent an inter-collegiate symposium/cultural fest (usually, invention is unnecessary – check out the posters in the library).
2. Approach your faculty advisor. Convince him/her that you’re a natural at… oh, say, Technical Rangoli, and that you would like to participate.
3. Go out on the specified date with your teammates (minimum number: 4)
4. Get OD forms signed, making (false) promises to your FA re: getting certificates, documents etc as proof of participation.
5. Another (lonely) option is to stay at home, with OD.


Category 4 is quite simply, a waste of time. Coming all the way to college, and then, quite INEXPLICABLY, going all the way BACK, is a choice which only the biggest idiots would make. (I’ve done it Loads of times). This is an emergency bunking operation, only to be used when returning to the city is a matter of life and death (or The Lord of the Rings on opening day).

Right, further updates as events warrant, but, for the time being, thanks for taking the 10 minute course on ‘The Art of Bunking’

After reading the article, the editors have forced me to add the following lines, to save their asses. You don't have to read them. Really.

P.S: Don’t ever bunk so much that you can’t make up for it later. 75% attendance is easy to maintain, but keep it hovering at around 80%, in case you really DO fall ill.

P.P.S: Never miss subjects which you have trouble comprehending. Getting an (academic) education is really, really important.

P.P.P.S: Also, bunking on the sly requires a rare talent, which everyone seems to possess (rare???)

Ok, what do you think?