I'd like to buy the world a coke...

I know, I’m supposed to be working now. Bollocks. I had to get this out of my system though, for whatever reason. This is one of those posts, you know – kinda… I dunno, really. You probably won’t enjoy it, but for my sake, give it a go.

Yeah, that’s the spirit! Last night, I was sitting at home watching Seinfeld or summat on Star World, and this ad came on. Now, I’ve forgotten which brand it was, but that’s irrelevant. The thing is, Catherine Zeta-Jones-Douglas (?) was in it, and looking incredibly beautiful. As usual. It would take a brave (and blind, I might add) person (man or woman) to call her anything BUT beautiful. I mean, she’ll be 70 years old, and she’ll look just as lovely as she does now. Before you write this post off as a guy thing, let me say that women might actually enjoy this more than us men.

When I was very young (well, a few years ago), my mum told me that there is no such thing as an ugly woman. Some of you may disagree, but I’d just tell you to shut up. Every woman, no matter what – be it wrinkles, big teeth, bushy eyebrows, or even an Adam’s apple – is beautiful, and you can’t deny it. I may sound like a sentimental sop here, but that’s how I feel. Men just can’t compare (I haven’t spent any TIME comparing the two, but you know what I mean) when it comes to sheer gracefulness, poise, intelligence… I could go on. That’s of course, not to mention the emotional quotient.

Take me, for example. Being a man in the metrosexual age, I like to think I’m in touch with my emotions. Poppycock. Us men are either big sops or incredibly repressed, sometimes both at the same time, if that’s possible. I haven’t got a handle on my emotions – either they all come flowing out with no control whatsoever, or I keep them corked up tighter than a bottle of wine (I want to name one here… erm… 1960 Bordeaux?). But women are just a heck of a lot better at it. They also mature faster than men.

Anyway, back to the point – Catherine Zeta-Jones. She is stunning, isn’t she? For some reason, though, I don’t look at her and size her up or imagine what she would be like in bed. She’s just… beautiful, and you could look at her face for hours on end (well, I could). With most women (and I’m not referring to anyone in particular here), if they look attractive, 99% of the time a guy looking at her pretty face will be undressing her with his eyes. Men do lech, much as I hate to admit it. I’m not one, though. (Did I just shove my foot into my mouth so hard I lost a sock? Oh, no… Come on guys, I’m just illustrating a point).

The sort of beauty I’m talking about is just… there. And it’s very, very rare. You can’t count your immediate family in this list though. You’re mother, sister, daughter, grandmother, aunt etc will always look beautiful to you, no matter what. Or your wife, if you happen to be married. Or your girlfriend. Actually, let’s just stick to celebrities.

The few I can think of off the top of my head are…

Catherine Zeta-Jones (obviously)

Jennifer Connelly

Hm. I’ve been thinking for half an hour now. That WAS a short list.

In any case, I’ll stop before I make a complete fool of myself. Women are wonderful, and us men are really lucky. So if you’re a guy, tell the women in your life how much they matter to you. And if you’re a girl, whack him on the head and tell him to go cook dinner. (Where’s the cereal?)